Sunday, February 12, 2012

Running away....

Sometimes I wish I could just run away.... far away.... be on my own to do what I want to do.

I love my kids and grandkids but....

Today my daughter once again started "planning" my future. When I "soon" retire, she wants me to watch her kids 3 times a week. I already promised to be available Friday afternoons, but another 2 days? Even if it's just an hour between school and when she comes home..... she is RESTRICTING me! I told her I can't promise anything, I have to wait and see how things are when I stop working. Of course she reacted as expected: " waht kind of grandma are you? Other grandmas would JUMP at the chance to babysit!"

I just don't want to commit to anything.... why doesn't she understand that? Looks like I'm in the dog house again, but to tell the truth... I don't care..... (I think).

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Watching the slow decay

I've deleted this post here and re-posted it at my "official" blog, since it contained "real" names. Those of you who know the real me know how to find it, or can ask me via private message at facebook.

I've been busy lately and not in the mood for adding new entries, though I will. They may not end up chronological but I'm sure none of you will mind. Most entries will just be me trying to express my feelings..... or just playing around with my writing "talents"! lol 

Now, back to real life......

Friday, February 3, 2012

If the Shoe Fits ...

originally posted: March 2008

If the shoe fits, wear it....

Where were you when I needed you?

When you needed comfort

I was there with the proper words

When you needed support

I supported you

When you were sad

I tried to make you smile

When you needed a shoulder to cry on

I let you cry

When you were in pain

I sent you hugs

When you disappeared

I worried about you

When you didn’t know what to do

I gave you advice, as much as was in my power

You appreciated my words, my thoughts, my being there for you!

Now it was my turn, and you weren’t there

No words of comfort from you

No hugs to ease my pain

You didn’t visit when I needed you most, though I saw you near

And when you did stop to visit, there were no words from you

And you used to visit often

I hinted, I tried to get your attention

But you ignored my efforts

I feel alone

Now I wonder if I should continue or just disappear

Quiet Times

Like the lady in the photo above, I love to sit by the ocean and watch the water come, and go, then return once more. My thoughts then start to wander and I reflect about all that has happened in my life, past and present.

Another place I enjoy is up on a mountain near my home where I grew up. From there I can see all around me, and once more I reflect on my past and present.

Those are my quiet times. Unfortunately I live far away from both. Maybe some day I'll return there again. and not just to visit, but to live permanently. I'm reflecting on that, but not while viewing into the sea or from a mountain.

This journal may soon be a place to put those reflections into words. At the moment they are too abstract.

My life is full of ups and downs, as with the lives of most of you. But wouldn't it be boring otherwise?